I’m heading out to D.C. for a conference this weekend so I’m giving you this,
because it’s the funniest thing I’ve watched in a while.
Charli is the first “new” car I’ve ever had. Hers was also the first car payment I’d ever had… and making that payment every month SUCKED. It was basically a plane ticket equivalent. Every month when I made that payment I thought, “I could be taking a weekend trip with this money.” But it’s all good! She’s paid off and I plan on driving her until she doesn’t run anymore. Just like Mona…
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What was your Oscar Jam?
We noticed a bunch of empty seats in a section to the right of the stage so we decided to see if we could go down, sneak past the ushers and score closer seats… After grabbing a couple drinks, we headed off into one of the entrances to give it a whirl. The usher was looking right at us, so I turned, mumbled something about wanting a hot dog and we bounced to try another entrance. The next entry over, the usher was in deep conversation with another usher and in we went! Unnoticed! We hightailed straight down the stairs and found 4 empty seats at the edge of the 3rd row! If people came and we were in their seats, we’d move, but we thought we’d stick it out as long as possible. It’d be worth it!
Until these two bitches next to us got a little too crazy on their night away from their husbands and kids… One minute they were next to us, livin’ it up with their strawberry daiquiris, the next they were gone. Flash forward several songs and about 30 minutes later, when one of them came back to ask us if we’d seen her friend lately… Uh. No. We’re watching Keith Urban sing to us.
Then, right at that moment, two security guards come walking up the aisle, each holding the arm of the missing friend, who by then had lost her shoes… As they come up to us, her eyes bug out of her head and she PUKES ALL OVER US! It gets all over Kelli’s jeans (she was right in front of her when it happened) and all over my feet.
We were beyond mortified, as were all the people around us, including the two Rambo-sized security guards. We all just kind of stood there for a moment wondering if that had actually just happened and what the HELL we were gonna do next… Luckily, those two guards escorted the drunk bitch and her friend out of the aisle and another one came to take me and Kelly to the backstage area bathrooms to clean off. We did as much as we could and decided it was best to just head home… And even though we were backstage and thought about hanging around to maybe catch a glimpse of Keith or Nicole Kidman (who was in attendance that evening) the thought of actually meeting them smelling like strawberry puke dissuaded us…