8 Ways to Act Like A Douche at the Airport

If you’ve been around this blog for more than a couple weeks, you know that I travel for work. A lot. I’m in airports nearly every week and I see a lot of annoying douche bag behavior.  So if you don’t fly a lot, check these out to make sure you’re not that douche in the future. In no particular order, I give you:
 
8 Ways to Act Like A Douche at the Airport
(or on the plane)
{1} Going through the 1st class security line… when there’s nobody in the regular security line. 
Don’t get me wrong, I love having higher status and being able to sail through the shorter lines when there’s others are incredibly long. But when there is no long wait, I just go through the regular line.
{2} Using 58 bins to put your ish in before going through the scanner. 
You need ONE bin for tablet or laptop and ONE bin for your clothes/shoes. NO MORE. Your millions of bins, plus your suitcase, plus your carry-on bag, plus your shopping bag of whatever you just bought at the gift shop makes the line go slower than it already is. #aintnobodygottimeforthat  I have one word for you: CONSOLIDATE.
{3} Having a loud phone chat while sitting in the middle of everybody. 
This goes for convos in any public place. Walk away from people to have your conversation. Nobody whats to hear it. Any of it. I think I’m going to start sitting down next to these people and having my own loud-ass conversation… and see if they get annoyed.
{4} Flossing/grooming at the gate or in your seat on the plane. 
Nobody wants to see that. That’s why they have bathrooms. If you’re picking your nose, you’d be better be younger than 5.
{5} Bringing your (too) big carry-on bag onto the tiny planes…
…when they’ve made 5 announcements saying you need to leave it on the jet bridge.
When you ignore those announcements and bring your giant ass bag on the plane, then look completely bewildered when it doesn’t fit, then have to cram your way back through the plane to take it off anyway, you annoy EVERYBODY. And you make the boarding process longer than it already is. Listen to instructions, check your bag, or pack lighter.
{6} Get angry when there are babies aboard or crying.
Look, babies cry. They won’t cry forever though. Their ears will stop popping, they’ll get tired, or hungry, and eventually go to sleep. The parents are mortified as it is and struggling to keep them as quiet as possible. They don’t need you huffing loudly and obnoxiously from your seat as a visual reminder that you’re uncomfortable. If you don’t want to hear anything on your flight, invest in some noise-cancelling headphones.
{7} Act a fool in public when your flight gets delayed or cancelled. 
Everybody else on your flight is bummed too, but yelling at the airline customer service rep just makes you look crazy and the rest of the people in line behind you aren’t getting their ish rebooked any faster. Calmly get your flight adjusted, voice your complaint to the rep, and then write a letter/email to the airline. That’s the process. Yes it sucks, but unless you want to get in the car and drive to your destination, it’s what you have to deal with when flying.
{8} STAND in the middle of the moving sidewalk. 
Ooooooh I can’t stand this one. The moving sidewalk is there to MOVE YOU FASTER through the long terminals, NOT for you to take a load off while you get carried from one end to the other. If you need to stand, move to the right side with all your bags and get out of the way of people actually trying to get through quickly.
What are your biggest airport/plane peeves?
Did I miss any?
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Fitness Class Etiquette

Inspired by my sometimes rather unfortunate experiences over the past decade as a Professional Fitness Instructor, I’ve compiled my list of top 10 Fitness Class Etiquette rules for participants, so you don’t wind up ruining the class experience for the other participants… and also so your instructor doesn’t despise you.

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1. Don’t come in more than 5 mintues late.
  • It’s rude and it’s distracting (for the instructor and the participants) to watch you stumble around the room and get your equipment while everybody else is working out.
  • It’s unsafe. We’re not just being mean or intolerant. You can pull/strain muscles, and could possibly pass out if you jump into a workout without properly warming up. If you’re already warm and can get the instructor’s attention, ask if it’s ok to jump in if you’re late! We’ll likely be ok with it if you respect the rules and are warm first!
2. Silence the cell phones and NEVER answer it during class! Especially during quiet classes like Yoga, Pilates, and Meditation. (This goes for answering emails too!)
  • Again, it’s rude and there’s nothing worse than being in the zone and having it interrupted by an obnoxious ringtone.
  • If you are on call for work or waiting for an important call, put your phone on vibrate, keep it close, and let your instructor know before class gets underway. If class has already begun, wave them down and let them know!
  • If you HAVE to take a phone call during class, just leave the room before you start talking.
3. Don’t come to a high intensity class on an empty stomach.
  • We really don’t want to have to revive you if you pass out. We will, but we don’t want to.
4. Don’t come to a high intensity class after you’re JUST eaten a big meal/drank a huge cappucino.
  • Please eat at least an hour before these types of classes to give your body time to digest the food. Your blood needs to be going to your muscles during your workout, not your digestive organs. Puking in class is gross and also counterproductive to your own workout. Plus, you’ll be “that guy/girl” from now on…
5. If you’re injured, let the instructor know! We will give you other options.
  • We can’t read minds. Come tell us about your injury or condition before class starts. You can also flag us down toward the beginning of class if we’ve already started.
  • We can and will give you alternative options. Certain exercises are contraindicated for certain joint issues: i.e. jumping lunges are BAD for people with knee issues. We can give you something completely different so you’re not risking further injury or just standing around.
6. Don’t complain that class is too easy until you’ve taken the harder options.
  • If I give the class a harder option and nobody takes it, I’m going to make the assumption that you’re not ready for a harder level. I had a girl come to me and say my class was too easy once. She was in her mid 20s and really fit. She was also using 3 lb weights and ignoring all the advanced options I was giving. I gave her the benefit of the doubt (maybe she had a lot on her mind that day), but I was still annoyed.
  • Pay attention: Good instructors always give easier and harder options for exercises. You might have just been in the zone and missed the cue to add a jump, or switch weights to create more of a challenge.
  • If you don’t know how to make things harder, or you missed that cue, please ASK for more. Instructors want you to be challenged, but you have to communicate.
  • That being said, the same goes for a class that’s too hard. Pick lighter weights or a more beginner level class that’s more suited to your needs until you’ve gotten to a higher level.
7. Group class is not the coffee shop, save the conversation for after.
  • Most instructors don’t mind a little chatter, BUT the class doesn’t want to hear your hour-long discussion with your BFF. And some of you are incapable of whispering…
  • If you’re gonna chat a little, stay in the back, keep it down, and at least pay attention and keep up with the class. I’ll call you out if we’ve moved on and you’re still on the previous exercise…
8. Don’t crowd in!
  • Did you see my post yesterday? If a class is already packed, go hop on the treadmill and wait for the next one. EVERYBODY hates it when people (especially late ones) try to squeeze in. You leave no room for others to workout or yourself. Come earlier to get a spot next time.
  • Hit up the gym floor staff for a couple of exercise ideas if you need help. Chances are, if they aren’t with a client, they’re bored anyway, and every trainer loves to give out challenges.
9. If there’s a sub teacher, don’t leave immediately. Give them a chance, you may love them!
  • You may love your regular instructor, but you’re not being loyal by refusing to take anybody else’s class, you’re being a punk; somebody who is afraid of change and can’t be bothered by another instructor. Try something new, and you never know… you may end up finding some new, fun exercises, or another great instructor!
10. If you really don’t like the class, don’t come.
  • I had a guy come to my class for two YEARS and he complained about something almost every time he came in – the music, the exercises, the time of day, etc.
  • Nobody is forcing you to come to my class. My ego isn’t so big that I’ll be in tears if I don’t see you again. Not everybody loves me (most people do, but not everybody) so quit complaining and go do something else!
Having said all these things, please don’t think instructors hate you. We don’t. We LOVE that people want to come take our class instead of working out alone. We love all the regulars that keep coming back each week and offer so much fun and energy. We live for our participants and you make our jobs completely worthwhile! Most people rarely do the things above but there’s always somebody…
Any questions? Ask away! fitwithflash@gmail.com
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Yoga FAIL.

I have tons of stories as a fitness instructor. Most are funny and involve gross ladies who don’t shave their pits, hearing somebody fart during ab work, or seeing fellas’ junk when their shorts are just atad too short. This week’s story, however, came from my participation in a fitness class, not from a teacher’s point of view, and not super amusing.


So I’m taking hot yoga the other day… I’m actually in the process of taking class because it has ALREADY STARTED. A few minutes go by and in walks this lady who I’ll refer to as Rudezilla. Rudy takes a look around the very crowded room to find a space for herself. Instead of taking the only OPEN space in the front of the classroom, right next to the door, she proceeds to walk all around the room looking for a space. A space big enough for her mat. A space that, when you come into hot yoga late, does not exist. Then she comes back over to where she walked in and starts eyeing the space between me and the wall. The three foot space where she’s imagining prying herself into so that she doesn’t have to be in the front row. I immediately cut off her train of thought and point to the HUGE open space in the front row. After she makes the ‘I don’t wanna go there‘ face, she gives in and heads up there. However, she stops short and unfolds her mat. Six INCHES caddy corner, away from mine (do you say caddy-corner or kitty corner?)!!! So not really between me and the side wall, but not in the front row either. She’s practically beside/in front of me. I stared, dumbfounded, for a moment, trying to figure out if she was serious and maybe playing a funny yoga joke on me (yoga people can be funny, right?). Maybe she’s unfolded her mat but hasn’t quite decided on where she wants it to go just yet? Either way, she did nothing else but lay down her 3 towels (3 towels?!), prop her water next to her, and hop into her sun salutations. Are you kidding me?! But I was there to mellow out, so I did my best to ignore her… except for when she almost kicked me during her 3 Legged Down Dog… twice. Whatev.

Note to everybody: don’t crowd in class, especially one where you’re gross, sweaty, and have to do a lot of moving around. It’ll piss people off…

And if you’re friends with me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, you would know that I wanted to punch her in her face. I didn’t though, because that wouldn’t have been very zen of me. I’m over it now but thought I’d write about in case you’ve been that person. I’ll also be writing a gym/studio class etiquette post…
Hope you guys are having a spacious and lovely day. Enjoy the snow if you’re getting it like we are!
cheers
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