When I see hateful stuff online, I just try to ignore it. There’s no sense in getting all worked up about it and having it ruin my day. So that’s what I’ve been doing, but I feel like it’s getting out of control, and I am getting worked up about it. I’ve been seeing it so much lately and I’m so over it. We’re ALL doing what we can. We’re ALL doing our best. Somebody does something a little bit better, experiences success, and instead of getting praise, receives nothing but criticism from other women. It’s childish and embarrassing for our gender and completely counterproductive from what we’re trying so hard to teach young women today; to work hard, support yourself and be proud of who you are.
“That Payton Manning is such a jackass! I can’t believe he gets paid millions of dollars for making a commercial. All he does is play football and he gets all this recognition. What a jerk. REAL dads have important things to do, a paycheck to bring home, food to put on the table, and can’t spend all our time getting sponsored and taking international vacations.” Said no guy ever. Sure guys have their opinion on other guys, but they just don’t do this kind of thing on the same scale that women do.
Example #1.
Gisele’s multitasking Instagram photo.
Now some parody photos following this were definitely funny and entertaining – I’m the first to love a good self-deprecating humor post/photo – but can we stop all the hating on people?! This photo sparked so much news coverage and took the place of actual news for days.
Her caption was “Multitasking.” And the women of the world jumped on it like a pack of wild animals on a carcass.
First of all, you’re probably thinking she means multitasking as in “I’m doing my hair, and nails, and makeup all while nursing my child.” But if you think about it from HER perspective, it’s different. She is a professional model. Which means she’s WORKING. Yes, she looks like she’s relaxing, but she’s also getting her eye makeup done… and you have to close your eyes and tilt your head back for that to happen. Things aren’t always as they appear if you’re able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Multitasking in this photo, for her, means she’s able to breastfeed her child while at work. You’re a liar if you say you wouldn’t enjoy being able to to do the same thing; be with your child while earning a living too. We aren’t all so lucky as to look like that and earn an insane amount of money for having our photo taken, but if I had an 18 hour day of shooting, away from my child, I’d be treasuring this moment with my baby at the start of the day. If I was making the same amount of money to be in a photo shoot, and had my baby nearby that had to be fed, I’d be glad to be able to do the same thing.
If it’s not one thing, it’s another:
If Gisele was getting prepped for her day and a photo was posted of her nanny feeding her child a bottle of formula, everybody would be ripping her for not taking care of her own kid and not breastfeeding. Soooooo can we ease up a little? If you really don’t like her, don’t follow her on Instagram! Don’t read the gossip magazines and websites that post provocative things like this to get you to respond. <— I need to do better on that myself.
Example #2.
The open letter to Gwyneth Paltrow about parenting and an “easier”, 9-5 schedule.
Yes the open letter was kind of funny and any parent would identify, but was it really necessary to aim it someone you don’t even know? Why not just aim it at people who think having kids is super easy and don’t understand the lives of parents?
What Gwyneth said: “I think it’s different when you have an office job, because it’s routine and, you know, you can do all the stuff in the morning and then you come home in the evening. When you’re shooting a movie, they’re like, ‘We need you to go to Wisconsin for two weeks,’ and then you work 14 hours a day and that part of it is very difficult. I think to have a regular job and be a mom is not as, of course there are challenges, but it’s not like being on set.”
What everybody thinks she said: “Everybody else has it easier than me.”
First of all, girlfriend just split from her husband, so cut her a little slack. I doubt things have been rosy in her household lately. Secondly, nowhere did she say, 9-5 moms have it easy. She said having a routine schedule is not like having a shooting schedule. And you get to come home in the evening. Every evening. Whatever job you have, if you’re working 14 hour days, whether it’s in an office, a factory, or a movie set, I’m sure you’re thinking that having an 8 hour work day that’s consistent would be much easier as a parent, because you have a routine and you get to see your kids more.
For anybody that travels for their job, whether it’s two days, two weeks, or two months, you MISS your family when you’re not at home and there’s a lot to organize when you have to be away from your children for an extended period of time. Just because a business traveler may be in Vegas, Europe, or New York City, doesn’t mean they’re out enjoying a leisurely day and taking in the sights. They’re working. There are times when I’m on the road and thinking, ‘Maybe it would be easier to apply for a 9-5 job so I can have a set schedule, benefits, and paid time off.’ But I love my job and it has different requirements. Just because I’m able to go to the grocery in the middle of the day on Tuesday may seem nice and leisurely to somebody with a 9-5 schedule, it may not seem as nice when I’ve just spent my entire weekend working in two different cities, in two different days and gotten 5 hours of sleep before my next class at 6am Monday morning. We ALL have hardships and stress that we have to overcome when it comes to family, life, and work balance. Just because a celebrity has them on a different scale doesn’t mean they don’t have them at all.
You may not be as different as you think.
So many women put down other women for things that are just absurd. If the situation was reversed, would you REALLY make different decisions? If your job paid you several million dollars to go to Wisconsin for 2 weeks, I bet you’d do it too. And I bet you’d hire somebody to watch your kids if you didn’t have anybody around to help you out. And I bet you’d miss your kids terribly while you were gone.
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It’s not just celebrities who get hated on, it’s successful women in general.
Example #3.
HuffPo writer hating on Emily Schuman of Cupcakes & Cashmere
Nowhere on Emily’s blog does she state a recipe or idea is hers if it isn’t. I read her blog nearly every day and she’s always posting links that give credit to where she got a recipe, a DIY project, etc. I’m definitely guilty of comparing my own blog’s success to that of others, but when I really think about it, it doesn’t bother me. Do I wish I had a few million readers to my blog? Yes. Do I wish large companies were sponsoring me to post about their products? Yes. Do I make a living off of my content? No. Do I work to put posts up every single day, even if I’m going to be out of town? No. Do I spend my entire workday on my blog? No. All these things that she does (and I don’t do) make her blog a more successful and profitable one. If I spent the same amount of time and energy, I could have a blog with just as much success. Am I going to hate on her because her blog is better than mine? No. I look at her, as well as other great bloggers, as inspiration.
Furthermore, Emily writes a BLOG. It’s not a New York Times column. Nobody is forced to read it, try her recipes, or make her DIY crafts. They’re there because they’re choosing to be. Because they like her content. She’s smart enough to know what kind of content to put up, how to make her blog look nice, what things are going to bring people back, and because of all that, she’s earning her living from it. I say kudos to her.
What’s even the point to that HuffPo article? Was the author trying to “expose” a “bad blogger” and get less people to follow her? Is she doing the world a favor? Helping us all live in a better place? Or was she just trying to voice her opinion and achieve lots of followers and comments? That’s no different from the rest of us, but the way she did it was mean, hateful, and libelous if you asked me.
The point and the alternative.
My point here is that women need to stop thinking of other women as competition; an opponent that must be conquered. If you actually looked at those that are living/working the way you’d like to be, and took notes to apply to yourself, you’d be in the same position. Pay attention! Get to know them (if possible) and learn from them.
There’s always going to be somebody better off than you. There’s always going to be somebody worse off than you. Just because somebody’s successful doesn’t mean that they don’t have hardships too. Those hardships may be on a different scale, but they’re there just the same. It may appear that others have it easier, but I think the quote below* speaks the truth:
And because I know some people may think this post was directed at them,
I think this photo says it best:
I hope that last photo makes you laugh… that’s its intention. ; )
In conclusion, can we females simply make an effort to react more positively to other women? I’m not saying don’t vent about your day, or don’t speak out on something that you find important, but to put it in a manner that doesn’t put down someone else. If you don’t think something was done in a way that you would have done it, post about what could have been done differently. Offer suggestions. Even changing the title of a blog post can seem helpful instead of judgmental. I’ll admit, the original title of this post was “Get a grip, ladies!” I decided to take my own advice and change it to something less harsh. I’m guilty of spouting off negative things about others too, (e.g. live-tweeting a Bachelor episode) but have had to catch myself, think about it, and re-word my statements. What message was I really trying to send? So I’m just asking us all, myself included, to be a little more thoughtful in what we post and how we interact with other females. Put yourself in their shoes first. Let’s empower each other instead of tear each other apart.
Have a great weekend, everybody. Be nice!
*Tony Robbins quote suggested by my man-friend. High five, babe!
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