Me, Kelli, Keith Urban and some drunk bitches…

So here’s a funny story: 
A few years back, when I was living in San Diego,
my friend Kelli was (and still is) my country music buddy.
 We went to see Keith Urban at the Staples Center one evening, and were STOKED. 

Until we got inside and found out our seats were the VERY last row at the VERY highest tier.

 Lady Antebellum was the opening band and we could barely make them out. 

We noticed a bunch of empty seats in a section to the right of the stage so we decided to see if we could go down, sneak past the ushers and score closer seats… After grabbing a couple drinks, we headed off into one of the entrances to give it a whirl. The usher was looking right at us, so I turned, mumbled something about wanting a hot dog and we bounced to try another entrance. The next entry over, the usher was in deep conversation with another usher and in we went! Unnoticed! We hightailed straight down the stairs and found 4 empty seats at the edge of the 3rd row! If people came and we were in their seats, we’d move, but we thought we’d stick it out as long as possible. It’d be worth it!

And it was! 
We got to see our text come up on the jumbo tron! 
As did Laura and Gary, though we don’t know them… 

MUCH better view! And he came out into the audience so he was much closer. 
What an awesome night it turned out to be… 

Until these two bitches next to us got a little too crazy on their night away from their husbands and kids… One minute they were next to us, livin’ it up with their strawberry daiquiris, the next they were gone. Flash forward several songs and about 30 minutes later, when one of them came back to ask us if we’d seen her friend lately… Uh. No. We’re watching Keith Urban sing to us.


Then, right at that moment, two security guards come walking up the aisle, each holding the arm of the missing friend, who by then had lost her shoes… As they come up to us, her eyes bug out of her head and she PUKES ALL OVER US!  It gets all over Kelli’s jeans (she was right in front of her when it happened) and all over my feet.

We were beyond mortified, as were all the people around us, including the two Rambo-sized security guards. We all just kind of stood there for a moment wondering if that had actually just happened and what the HELL we were gonna do next… Luckily, those two guards escorted the drunk bitch and her friend out of the aisle and another one came to take me and Kelly to the backstage area bathrooms to clean off. We did as much as we could and decided it was best to just head home… And even though we were backstage and thought about hanging around to maybe catch a glimpse of Keith or Nicole Kidman (who was in attendance that evening) the thought of actually meeting them smelling like strawberry puke dissuaded us…

So we left. 
Now that she lives in Chicago, 
we’re looking forward to more summer country concerts… 
and we’ll be steering clear of any drunk bitches. 
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