Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

It’s been 10 months since I ended my marriage. Biggest, hardest decision of my life. Since then, it’s been a loooong road toward recovery. Not that I’m completely recovered – I’m not sure I’ll ever be completely recovered. But I’ve come a long way. Over the past year I’ve learned so much about myself, so much about what I want/need, so much about relationships in general. I learned there’s a lot I didn’t know before I got married…

Also in the last few months, I’ve become the go-to person for all of my friends who have found themselves in similar situations: some divorces, some just regular break ups. Either way, breakups SUCK. Even when you know it’s the right thing to do, it’s still excruciatingly painful to end something you thought was not only going to work, but was going to last forever. I haven’t minded being the one people call on for advice in dealing and healing with their losses. It’s actually helped me in mine.

I don’t have an easy time talking to people when I’m hurt so I tend to hold things in and process slowly, on my own. I didn’t talk about my situation with very many people, but that’s how I roll. When I think it through, on my own time, I get my answer. When I’m ready, I’ll move on.

So for anybody that’s just split (or may be facing a breakup soon),
here’s what I’ve learned thus far.
Hope it helps. 

*You can’t help the way you feel. You can’t change what you feel… no matter how much you might try.
* You can’t help the way your partner feels. You can’t change them… no matter how much you might try.

*Don’t apologize for the way you feel. (Don’t be an asshole about it, but don’t apologize.)

* You have to do what’s best for you. You can attempt to please everybody else and put yourself on the back burner, but eventually it’ll catch up to you and you’ll have to deal with it then. Be true to yourself now.

* Be patient. You don’t have to figure out everything overnight. (This has been the hardest part for me.)

* True love exists. I’ve seen it. Don’t lose faith.

Proof:

* You can’t hurry love. You just have to wait. Thank you, Diana Ross… bitch.

* There are lots of people who care about you and will help you whenever you need.

*Ask for help when you’re ready for it.

*Ask for alone time when you need it.

* If you don’t want to talk about it, don’t.

*Communication is always best. Even when it’s hard, confrontational, awkward, hurtful, etc. Let what you’re thinking be heard. It’ll be easier in the end.

*Sometimes, sad music is good, but there’s only so much Adele you can handle. There will be a time when you need to move on… to the dance mix… and Kelly Clarkson.

* Figure out what you want. Then find somebody that fits/complements that. Not the other way around. 
* Be happy with yourself first, don’t look for somebody to do that for you.

* Just because you two didn’t work as a couple doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. Or them.

* Don’t try to “remain friends” right away. There’s a lot that needs to be dealt with, internally, on both sides. Give that process time. There’s always the future to catch back up, but let the healing happen.

* After the pain, the tears, the adjusting, you’ll be ok. 

And lastly…
* Chin up. 
Don’t worry. 
You’ve got this. 

(Some of these points I already knew, just needed a reminder).

Share Button