Clients, We Know How You Feel!

This was sent to me a few years ago by a fellow trainer and I thought it was hilarious. 
I came across it last night and thought you guys would enjoy it. 
If you’ve ever worked with a trainer, it’s likely you’ve had a similar experience. 
: ) 
A story: 


For my sixtieth birthday this year, my daughter Rachel (the dear) purchased
a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am
still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years
ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named
Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and
model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with
my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to
chart my progress.


Started my day at 6:00 a.m . Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well
worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me.
She is something of a Greek goddess – with blond hair, dancing eyes and a
dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the
machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her
aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was
encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from
holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda
made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air – then she put
weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the
full mile. Belinda’s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!!
It’s a whole new life for me.

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter
and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in
both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. Belinda was impatient with me,
insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning;
and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair ‘monster’.
Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?
Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life.
She said some other shit too.

Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin,
cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn’t help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes.
Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom.
She sent another skinny bitch to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on
the rowing machine — which I sank.

I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other
human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic
little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without
unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.

Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don’t have any triceps!
And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me the Damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn’t it have been someone
softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice
wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to
smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to
even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the
Weather Channel.

I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and
thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my
daughter Rachel (the little shit will choose a gift for me that is fun —
like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to
bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

 So clients, 
It’s OK. 
We understand. 
We appreciate you showing up anyway! 
; ) 

*I’ve had this story for years, but unfortunately don’t know the origin. If anybody knows, please send me the info so I can give credit asap! Thanks

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