Sneak Attacks…

Warning: Debbie Downer post, comin’ atcha… 

It’s crazy how your emotions just sneak up on you at times and then suddenly consume you. No matter what heavy thing happened in your past, no matter how much you’ve dealt with it, talked about it, moved on from it… it’s still there and always will be. And though you might not get affected by it often, it’ll just jump out of nowhere… and then pelt you with emotions like a firing squad. Wth?

It’s been a little over two years since my divorce and even though I’ve moved on (I am extremely happy with my man-friend) I still think about my divorce daily. It’s my one big failure in life and the pain and guilt from it will just always be there. It sucks because I’m reminded of it all the time:

There are SO many places that have your name on file. You don’t realize exactly how many… until you get married and change your name. Then you get divorced and have to go through the whole process again to change it back. And then you realize there are still a thousand places that have your old last name and you’ve got to call them to get it changed. Then you have to listen to the person at customer service congratulate you on your recent marriage, and you just stop correcting them and say, “thanks” because it’s less awkward than telling them the truth.

You hold back relevant stories sometimes in conversation because you don’t want to open with, “me and my ex-husband” or “back when I was married” or something similarly telling of your status.

Can somebody please tell me why the status boxes on any kind of paperwork always ask you to check whether you’re “Single”, “Married”, or “Divorced”?! You’re either single or you’re married. Why does the divorce box even have to be there? Thanks for making me feel worse than I did when I walked in, Doctor’s Office.

You can never talk about or go to another wedding without thinking about your own… (which inevitably causes tears at the most inopportune times). Listening to wedding plans of your friends, attending weddings, being IN somebody’s wedding… they all dredge up memories of your day. I was reading a book with a wedding scene just the other night and cried because of it… really?! These are supposed to be the happiest of times! I shouldn’t be tearing up! I skipped two weddings the summer of my separation because of this. This gets easier over time, of course, but hasn’t fully gone away yet.

I guess the worst part is just not having any contact with your ex-family… It was my decision to end my marriage and so I completely understand why they don’t care to hear from me, but I do miss them a ton. I was in LA last month, for a conference, and ran into my ex-husband’s aunt at a restaurant (he’s from there). It was so shocking/overwhelming/wonderful to see her that I was in tears almost immediately. She was awesome and we had a short but wonderful chat right there on the sidewalk. I passed on my well-wishes to everyone, not sure about how they’d be received, but it felt good, regardless.

Sometimes there’s just nothing to do but cry. Crying sucks. I hate it. But when the sneak attacks come, there’s nothing you can really do about them…except look back on the happy times, appreciate where you are now, and just keep breathing.

…and then desperately try to get your face looking the way it did before you started crying… (why must we get all red, splotchy, and puffy?!).

Do you guys get emotional sneak attacks? What do you do to deal? 
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Comments

  1. i don’t think you should treat your divorce as a failure, it just wasn’t the right fit and that’s ok. cheers to continuing on! although, sneaky emotions are a real bitch.

  2. I get those too! For me, it usually results from me pushing my emotions to the background because I don’t have time to deal with it, and it eats away inside my head until I become a giant stress-ball, bltchy, and then a crying mess.

    Usually, once the crying mess is over, I feel so much better and “lighter”. It usually gets rid of the stress, and I can wipe my tears, pick myself up, and keep on going.

    Sometimes a girl just needs to cry 🙂 I don’t think you are doing/feeling anything wrong 🙂

  3. I read once that if you just smile for a prolonged period of time, you’ll automatically be happier. In going through this break-up, I’ve had to do it a lot to avoid obvious sadness in situations. It feels completely weird and like I’m lying to myself, but it helps until at least there’s a better time.

  4. Oh Ami, I can’t even imagine how emotionally difficult a divorce must be to deal with. I have no words of wisdom to give but I can give you a big hug –> O and a kiss –> X and if Fifty was with you he would give you a big ol’ lick, because that’s what he does.

  5. Thanks for your amazing comments, ladies. I almost didn’t publish this post as it was a bit too emotional for what I like to “put out there”, but my spirits were totally lifted. Hugs and high fives to you all! I’m completely grateful for all blog buds. : )

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