When all your friends are parents… and you’re not.


It just happens when you hit your 30s – most of your friends start becoming parents. And if you’re not a parent yourself, it can be hard. I had a few friends get married right out of college who have been parents for a few years now, but it seems now nearly ALL of my close friends are either trying to get pregnant, are currently pregnant, or have just had babies. There was a day on Facebook that I read 3 pregnancy announcement statues IN A ROW. It seems to be on overload at the moment. We’ve officially crossed that line into a new phase of adulthood… Here’s how my week went last week:

Monday Night: head over to my BFF’s house to meet her new little one, (her second) Ava Mae.


Tuesday Night: headed over to my friend Kara’s for a little wine and catch-up (after her two girls went to bed).


Wednesday morning: My good friend, Stacey just moved back to Louisville and we wanted to catch up so we went for a walk in the park with her 5-month-old, Leroy. His smile… #imeeeeean



Thursday Night: I hadn’t seen my friend Lauren in forever so I went to her house to go for a walk. She and her husband had news…


Friday: I had to decline an invite to a baby shower for my friend, Kaitlyn. It’s happening on a weekend I will be out of town. This is the 4th one I will miss in just the past couple months. Sorry, Lindsay, Amanda, and Andrea! And don’t even get me started on blog peeps… of the ones I read on a regular basis, Bridget, Emily, Elizabeth, Megan, Taza, (and a ton of others) have recently announced their new little ones will be arriving soon. You may notice a trend…

Don’t get me wrong, I love reading about all of it on blogs, it’s just hard not to know what they’re going through for yourself. (Did you ever have a bunch of friends turn 21 before you? It’s like you’re glad they can purchase the booze now for house parties, but house parties are a thing of the past once they can get into bars and clubs… sooo you’re still left out.)  I love hearing all my friends’ stories and being there to go through it with them, it just makes me kind of sad because I know I’ll be seeing these friends a little less than I already do. I realize that life gets a lot more hectic when kids enter the picture and I’m totally willing to be the one to work around my friends’ schedules, because that’s the easier solution, but eventually, you just kind of get phased out. People with kids tend to hang around more with other friends who have kids. It’s easier for parents to hang with other parents so your kids can have playdates. Parents see other parents more when they’re picking kids up from school or daycare or gymnastics. If you’re not a parent, it’s like you’re in a completely different universe.

I guess it was easier to deal with when I was younger and I had fewer friends with kids than ones without. And when you’re 25 years old and living by the beach in San Diego, you’re not super worried about all your friends having kids because you’re happy for them, you’re doing your thing. Now the tables have definitely turned. Those of us without kids are the minority. And the thought of “I’ve got plenty of time to have them…later” creeps up on you. Because now you’re 30. And before you know it, you’re 35. And then shit starts getting heavy because it can be harder to conceive and harder to keep, since miscarriages are so much more common as you age. Then you’re pushing 40 and wondering if you even want to bring a kid into the world that will be graduating high school when you’re nearing 60! Gah! I’m completely aware that this sounds crazy, but it’s where my mind goes at times… Anybody else thinking of that ish these days?

It’s crazy because some days I feel like I’m 25 still. And although I know I’ve still got plenty of time, it just kind of makes you start thinking, “When will I have time to have a baby?” I like running my business, I like traveling all over the world, I don’t have that 50 grand in my bank account that I feel would be a safe buffer amount to have, and there’s that tiny little caveat of needing another person to have a child (still living in a different country than my man-friend kind of affects that).

Then other days I hardly think about it at all and I’m glad that I can go through my day just focusing on myself and what I need to accomplish…

My close friends do a really great job of keeping me included. And I have absolutely no qualms about them not returning a call, or being late, or just wanting to stay home and chill (which I’m all for these days myself). I guess the hardest part is feeling a little like you’re left out of the “Parent Club,” and as a female, the “Mom Club.” As with most situations, you simply can’t understand what a certain lifestyle is like until you’ve experienced it yourself. I went to a girl’s night out a few months ago where I was literally the only one there with no kids. I still had a great time, I just didn’t have a birth story to share, or a a blowout story, or a sleepless night story, etc. Even though I was a nanny for years and even though my man-friend has two little boys who I love and adore, my non-mom opinions/stories just don’t really count. I get it. I accept it. It’s just a bummer sometimes.

I guess this feeling is very similar to those of my friends who had kids earlier, and they were the minority among their friends. They were the ones who felt left out when everybody else is planning group trips to the beach or late nights out, or last-minute get-togethers that they just couldn’t participate in because they had kids. It swings both ways…

So how do we non-moms or non-parents cope? Usually when there’s something I want to be involved in, I don’t whine about being left out. I take action and make it happen for myself. Since that’s not really an option in this case, I kind of just cruise through it and try not to let it get me down. I try to stay as involved as possible with my parent friends, contribute what I can and empathize, and make it a point to be there as a friend as much as possible. I know these feelings are temporary, but they’re there nonetheless.

Any body else out these having these same thoughts/feelings? I know I’m not alone. Megan wrote a similar post a few months ago. Elizabeth wrote one as well, about the relationships of moms and non-moms, though I can’t seem to find it…


*And if you’re a friend of mine reading this that has kids (currently or on-the-way) please don’t feel like I’m inconvenienced by your parent status. I want you to continue sharing every aspect of your life (including blowouts, tantrums, and potty-training), just like I’ll share mine with you (one day). We are friends for a reason. We’re just in two different boats right now and I’m trying to navigate my way through…


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  1. Man, it’s like you’re in my head with this post! Although, I have to say I’m a step behind and my thoughts are more like “my friends are having their third kid and I’m still looking for a date!” Heavy stuff some days but a great post for sure. Good to know you’re not the only one 🙂

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